Extracts from actual letters sent to the DHSS (Social Security) -
perfectly genuine (I am told).

***************

I want some repairs doing to my cooker as it backfired and burnt my knob off.
The man next door has a large erection in his back garden which is unsightly and dangerous.
Would you please repair our toilet. My son pulled the chain and the box fell on his head.
Our kitchen floor is very damp and we have two children and we would like a third so will you please
send somebody round to do something about it.
In reply to your letter, I have already cohabited with your officer with no results so far.
I am pleased to inform you that my husband who was reported missing, is dead.
Sir, I am forwarding my marriage certificate and two children - one of which is a mistake as you will
see.
Re your dental enquiry. The teeth on top are alright but those on my bottom are hurting dreadfully.
I am very annoyed to find you have branded my son illiterate. This is a lie as I married his father a
week before he was born.
I am sorry I omitted to put down all my children's names. This was due to contraceptional
circumstances.
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his
back passage.
The lavatory is blocked. This is caused by the boys next door throwing balls at the roof.
The toilet is blocked and we can't bath the children until it is cleared.
Will you please send someone to mend our broken path as my wife tripped and fell on it and is now
pregnant.
Mrs Smith has no clothes and has had none for over a year. The clergy have been visiting her......
I need money to buy special medicine for my husband as he is unable to masturbate his food.
My husband is diabetic and has to take insolence regular but he finds he is lethargic to it.
Unless I get my husbands maintenance money soon I shall be obliged to live an immortal life.
Please forward my money at once as I have fallen into errors with my landlord and milkman.
You have changed my little boy into a girl. Will this matter?
In accordance with your instructions I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
I want my sick pay quick. I have been in bed under the doctor for a week and he is doing me no good.
If things don't improve I shall get another doctor.
I do not get any money from my son, he is in the army and his regiment is at present manuring on
Salisbury plain.
Milk is wanted for my baby and his father is unable to supply it.
This is to let you know there is a smell coming from the man next door.
The toilet seat is cracked - where do I stand?