One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.

The diver went below another 20 feet but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below a further 25 feet, but minutes later, the same guy joined him.

This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under deep without equitment?"

The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote,

"I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!"

While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr Benson looked out of the window.

"Good Lord!" he screamed, "one of the engines just blew up!"

Other passengers left their seats and came running over, suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.

The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order.
Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about.

His words and his demeanor it seemed made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from underthe seats and began handing them to the flight attendants.

Each crew member attached the package to their backs.

"Say" spoke up an alert passenger, "aren't those parachutes?"

The pilot said they were.

The passenger went on, "but I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"

"There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded.
"We're going to get help"

Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "you scared us half to death - we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"