Doctor, Doctor

(None of which can I claim ownership)

• I feel like a delayed hallucination ~~~ I'll see you in a minute, then!
  
• I feel like a unkempt Nun ~~~ My, my, that's a dirty habit!
  
• I feel like a chair thief ~~~ Please take a seat, then!
  
• I think I’m a bridge? ~~~ What’s come over you? ~~~ Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.
  
• I feel like an electric fan ~~~ Well blow me!
  
• You’ve got to help me, I can’t stop my hands shaking! ~~~ Do you drink a lot? ~~~ Not really, I spill most of it!
  
• My daughter has swallowed my pen, what should I do? ~~~ Use a pencil.
  
• I keep thinking I’m a dog ~~~ Sit on the couch and we will talk about it ~~~ But, I’m not allowed up on the couch!
  
• I think I’m a cat? ~~~ How long has this been going on? ~~~ Oh, since I was a kitten I guess!
  
• I’m not well, can you give me something to make me better? ~~~ Take 2 teaspoons of this after every meal ~~~ But, Doctor, I've only got one teaspoon?
  
• When I press with my finger here... it hurts, and here... it hurts, and here... and here... What do you think is wrong with me? ~~~ You have a broken finger!
  
• Well Miss, I’ve discovered your problem, you are pregnant! ~~~ Oh, is it mine?
  
• I’ve got wind! Can you give me something? ~~~ Yes, here’s a kite!
  
• Doctor, you know I’ve been complaining of hearing a ringing sound for years? Well, today I have good news and bad news. The good news is I don’t hear the ringing anymore! ~~~ And what’s the bad news?
  ~~~ Now I hear the engaged tone!